#1
mountains and dragons
#2
head shoulders knees and toes
#3
the chicken wing
mountains and dragons
#2
head shoulders knees and toes
#3
the chicken wing
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Potty Dance!
On Saturday, I went off to Walmart to buy a little potty. I think Brinley is a bit freaked out about sitting on the toilet topper seat and her little bum falls through. Her new potty is pink and cushioned. I mean, totally deluxe! Plus, it is a 3 in 1; small potty, toilet topper potty, and then a foot stool. I got home from the store around 3pm and apparently, she was talking about the potty while I was at the store. I knew she was ready to give it a go!
So, there we went! Into the bathroom, opened the box, set the potty up, and she sat right there. While drinking LOTS of apple juice and watching Curious George on the iPad.
for an hour. I even painted her toe nails.
I gave up, put the diaper back on, and relaxed with Daddy on the couch. I gave her an M&M for sitting so patiently on the potty.
About 10 minutes later, I said, "lets go potty!" She jumped right up and sat on the potty without hesitation (or bribery!). No joke, 2 minutes later, tinkle tinkle tinkle!!!
I swear, I almost cried. It was the most joyous sound. haha!!! (never thought I would get emotional about pee pee!)
I started screaming, "You're going pee pee, Brinley!!!" and she started getting so excited and screaming. and I mean, screaaaming.....her voice is sooo unbelievably loud! I gave her an M&M, put stickers on her chart, and called the Grandparents and Auntie Jill. Brinley ran around the house screaming in her panties. I died. This girl and her entusiasm. It is out of control!
For her first time going in the potty, I surprised her with her first ever, My Little Pony. It was a biiiig hit :-)
For her first time going in the potty, I surprised her with her first ever, My Little Pony. It was a biiiig hit :-)
this video was after we screamed back and forth 3-4 times. It was so hilarious we had to video tape it!
did you hear her say, come here little horse!? (0:16) So cute!
I cleaned her up, cleaned the potty, put her new Dora panties on, and set our timer for 45 more minutes. When that timer started beeping, onto the potty Brinley went and she went pee pee again after only 5 minutes sitting on the potty!!!
yes, her puppy has undies on too.
I tried again before dinner time but she just sat and sat. She was more concerned with the sticker chart. I knew she was tired, so we made dinner and forgot about it. I checked her diaper after dinner and it was a full diaper! so, I think every 45-50 minutes is a good judge of time for now until she starts holding it better and actually tells me when she needs to go! It was my fault for not starting the whole potty going process Monday morning, but she was just so dang excited to use it. She had a minor sugar overload from so much juice and the 5 M&M's we gave her so she only went twice Saturday afternoon.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Homemade Valentine's
I really do love Brinley's artistic side. She loves to color, paint, draw, and mold play doh. I try to pull out her art supplies once a day because she just loves it so much, and it keeps her busy for at least an hour (on a good day). I turn on Pandora, and we just chill together and color. I picked up a paint set at the store the other day and Brinley has been asking to paint every day since I let her the first day I pulled it out of the bag. She loves it. I put her finished paintings up on the fridge and she loves to take them down and show me, or rip them up. hahhaa those ended up in the trash. I hope we have a little artist in the making because mama wasn't blessed with any artistic ability. Just another trait that she got from her daddy :-)
and a great video of Brinley telling us about her paintings:
Last week, my Mom sent Brinley a package full of Valentine's Day art supplies to make homemade cards. Who doesn't love a homemade Valentine from a sweetie like Brinley?? I mean, come on!!
So, if you could ever be so lucky, you might be receiving one of these heart shaped beauties in the mail :-)
Just remember, she's only 2 :-) hahaha
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Remembering February Second
I really don't like to break down into nonsense, but let me tell you. Sometimes a girl just needs to cry. And my eyes are so puffy this morning and my head is pounding. Some how, I was able to fall asleep last night with a completely stuffed up nose, throbbing jaw, and still wet eyes. And Brinley woke up at 6:30 this morning of course which means her day will be long and sad because when she doesn't get her normal 14 hours of sleep, she has a hard time.
February 2nd, 2011 was the day that started this all. I don't even remember anything about the day except peeing on 3 pregnancy tests that all said positive.
We were so happy. I was so happy our children would be 2 years apart. Another October baby. We were without a care in the world. And We were ignorant to the idea that this little babe wouldn't turn out exactly like Brinley. I miss that joy. I miss being excited for new happy changes.
I can't believe it has been a year, but at the same time, it feels like it has been 5 years of waiting. Definitely the longest trial I have ever gone through.
Last night, I was reminded that it isn't as easy as everyone thinks it is. That just because the year wait is over, the baby making process just picks up where we left off. If only it was that easy.
Living the past year with the fear every month that my blood tests wouldn't come back positive has been very traumatic. Can you imagine going in every month to check if you have cancer or not?? At times I think I am suffering still from post traumatic stress syndrome or something because it never ended.
For 12 months, I was scared. Every day. The slightest change in my body would set me over the edge of a nervous breakdown. If my period was too heavy, or too late, or if I had cramps randomly during the month. My mind always went there. It always went there. I took so many stupid pregnancy tests. Not to see if I was actually pregnant, but to see if they would come back positive because of the increase in the HCG hormone.
I also struggle with guilt. Why her, and not me? The alternative could be so bad, and I know that, but a part of me thinks, well at least if you had cancer, you wouldn't be afraid evey month. You would be on the road to fixing the problem, not prolonging it. Yes, fear would still be there, I'm not dismissing that, but I just feel guilty. And stupid sometimes for getting upset. And stressed. Because her life is way more insane than mine.
I look at Brinley and want to cry so bad. She needs a sibling. She does. I get these frequent impressions that our family isn't complete, like people are missing, and it makes me feel even worse. I am so used to just having Brinley and being told that I can't get pregnant. I am used to having one child and honestly, I love just having Brinley. I am so content having one child. Granted, she kind of thinks she is a big deal and everything needs to be about her, but for now, it is. She is my only living child, so I cherish her completely.
In midst of the sobbing last night, Ryan tried so hard to comfort me by saying that everything will work out. I know that, but right now, I can't see my life in 10 years. I can't see children in my future. I can't see it. And I hate it.
I am so terrified of the possibility of just pressing repeat of this past year. And it makes me more and more hesitant to get pregnant again. Yes, the idea of bringing another baby into our family makes me so so so excited, but apart me is like, can we just place an order and skip this part, and become pregnant with a perfect baby?? Or Heavenly Father, just tell me this is the end of the heartbreak? Tell me I can move on without fear.
I have become so foreign to myself at times. I don't know what my deal is when I am snippy and cranky and after having an argument with Ryan about something stupid. I realize an hour later that it all started with watching A Baby Story, or seeing yet again, another pregnancy announcement on a blog. I want that. I want that so badly. But I can't tell you when I'll be ready for it. I never know when I'm going to have a breakdown and cry until I can't cry anymore. It hits me usually at the moments when I think I'm actually doing better and not as reactive.
I laughed last night in mid-cry thinking if I was pregnant right now and I just didn't know yet. That would be hilarious!! My period is supposed to start this next week which explains my up and down hormones. Sorry, tmi!
I think my body needs time. I need to rediscover me that isn't prefaced with, oh I'm in for my monthly blood draw because I had a molar pregnancy. I am tired of that. And I know I will remember March 22, March 24, and April 11. The day finding out we miscarried, the day of my surgery, and the day we found out it was a molar pregnancy. Those might be sad days, just an FYI. But hopefully not!
I think February 2nd hit me so strongly because this was the beginning. The rest just fell into place and we went along with it. I try not to beat myself up about the things that lead up until finding out we miscarried. At 8 weeks, I had a rough couple of days with pains I had never experienced before. There wasn't any bleeding, so I just thought it was really nasty morning sickness. I had to get my pregnancy confirmed at Planned Parenthood (that was interesting!) and the nurse said I had low HCG levels for being as far along as I was. And then the many conversations I had with my mom thinking I wasn't showing much for being 11 weeks. and then the week later, those pains I experienced 3 weeks before were my miscarriage and when you miscarry a molar pregnancy, it is harder on your body and you experience severe severe morning sickness and cramping. Of course when you are early pregnant you have thoughts of possibly miscarrying, but the night before my appointment, those thoughts were more intense. I passed them off as thoughts of doubt and fear Satan had put in my mind.
I do know that with lots of prayer, an upcoming temple trip, and talking with Ryan, I'll be okay. It is amazing how non-courageous you feel when the only emotion you think you need to feel is being courageous. I am lacking every ounce of it. And where to find it? Maybe in a tub of Blue Bell ice cream.....hmmmmm.....
February 2nd, 2011 was the day that started this all. I don't even remember anything about the day except peeing on 3 pregnancy tests that all said positive.
We were so happy. I was so happy our children would be 2 years apart. Another October baby. We were without a care in the world. And We were ignorant to the idea that this little babe wouldn't turn out exactly like Brinley. I miss that joy. I miss being excited for new happy changes.
I can't believe it has been a year, but at the same time, it feels like it has been 5 years of waiting. Definitely the longest trial I have ever gone through.
Last night, I was reminded that it isn't as easy as everyone thinks it is. That just because the year wait is over, the baby making process just picks up where we left off. If only it was that easy.
Living the past year with the fear every month that my blood tests wouldn't come back positive has been very traumatic. Can you imagine going in every month to check if you have cancer or not?? At times I think I am suffering still from post traumatic stress syndrome or something because it never ended.
For 12 months, I was scared. Every day. The slightest change in my body would set me over the edge of a nervous breakdown. If my period was too heavy, or too late, or if I had cramps randomly during the month. My mind always went there. It always went there. I took so many stupid pregnancy tests. Not to see if I was actually pregnant, but to see if they would come back positive because of the increase in the HCG hormone.
I also struggle with guilt. Why her, and not me? The alternative could be so bad, and I know that, but a part of me thinks, well at least if you had cancer, you wouldn't be afraid evey month. You would be on the road to fixing the problem, not prolonging it. Yes, fear would still be there, I'm not dismissing that, but I just feel guilty. And stupid sometimes for getting upset. And stressed. Because her life is way more insane than mine.
I look at Brinley and want to cry so bad. She needs a sibling. She does. I get these frequent impressions that our family isn't complete, like people are missing, and it makes me feel even worse. I am so used to just having Brinley and being told that I can't get pregnant. I am used to having one child and honestly, I love just having Brinley. I am so content having one child. Granted, she kind of thinks she is a big deal and everything needs to be about her, but for now, it is. She is my only living child, so I cherish her completely.
In midst of the sobbing last night, Ryan tried so hard to comfort me by saying that everything will work out. I know that, but right now, I can't see my life in 10 years. I can't see children in my future. I can't see it. And I hate it.
I am so terrified of the possibility of just pressing repeat of this past year. And it makes me more and more hesitant to get pregnant again. Yes, the idea of bringing another baby into our family makes me so so so excited, but apart me is like, can we just place an order and skip this part, and become pregnant with a perfect baby?? Or Heavenly Father, just tell me this is the end of the heartbreak? Tell me I can move on without fear.
I have become so foreign to myself at times. I don't know what my deal is when I am snippy and cranky and after having an argument with Ryan about something stupid. I realize an hour later that it all started with watching A Baby Story, or seeing yet again, another pregnancy announcement on a blog. I want that. I want that so badly. But I can't tell you when I'll be ready for it. I never know when I'm going to have a breakdown and cry until I can't cry anymore. It hits me usually at the moments when I think I'm actually doing better and not as reactive.
I laughed last night in mid-cry thinking if I was pregnant right now and I just didn't know yet. That would be hilarious!! My period is supposed to start this next week which explains my up and down hormones. Sorry, tmi!
I think my body needs time. I need to rediscover me that isn't prefaced with, oh I'm in for my monthly blood draw because I had a molar pregnancy. I am tired of that. And I know I will remember March 22, March 24, and April 11. The day finding out we miscarried, the day of my surgery, and the day we found out it was a molar pregnancy. Those might be sad days, just an FYI. But hopefully not!
I think February 2nd hit me so strongly because this was the beginning. The rest just fell into place and we went along with it. I try not to beat myself up about the things that lead up until finding out we miscarried. At 8 weeks, I had a rough couple of days with pains I had never experienced before. There wasn't any bleeding, so I just thought it was really nasty morning sickness. I had to get my pregnancy confirmed at Planned Parenthood (that was interesting!) and the nurse said I had low HCG levels for being as far along as I was. And then the many conversations I had with my mom thinking I wasn't showing much for being 11 weeks. and then the week later, those pains I experienced 3 weeks before were my miscarriage and when you miscarry a molar pregnancy, it is harder on your body and you experience severe severe morning sickness and cramping. Of course when you are early pregnant you have thoughts of possibly miscarrying, but the night before my appointment, those thoughts were more intense. I passed them off as thoughts of doubt and fear Satan had put in my mind.
I do know that with lots of prayer, an upcoming temple trip, and talking with Ryan, I'll be okay. It is amazing how non-courageous you feel when the only emotion you think you need to feel is being courageous. I am lacking every ounce of it. And where to find it? Maybe in a tub of Blue Bell ice cream.....hmmmmm.....
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