My almost 3 year old.

This girl, I tell ya. She is a riot.

inside the dr office waiting room

I am so proud to be her mama. She is now at the age where she loves to tell me everything, and even explain how things work. It gets a bit complicated and awkward when her sentences in public start off with, "Well, my mama says..." I never know what she is going to say. Granted, I try to sensor what I say around her just in case that it might come back and bite me in the butt, but she hears and remembers just about everything I say. But every now and then I do say, freaking, sucks, hate, idiot, etc. Isn't that any parent though? I don't think I'm the only one out there!

One of my favorite times with Brinley is when we are driving places. She recognizes where we are, loves to know the names of the streets, wants to know who is singing on the radio/cd, loves to point out people, and dogs, and just about anything to spark a conversation with me :-) 

her hair is STILL ridiculous. This was taken a few months ago, and it much longer now! Those curls are amazing!

I still can't believe I have a potty trained toddler! She still sleeps in a diaper at night, but other than that, we've rarely had a problem or accidents since the second week we started potty training back in June. I am just amazed she took to it so quickly. She has made it to the "mommy I need to go pee pee" stage but not that I can get up on the potty by myself and know how to properly clean myself stage. So I am still there with her 100% of the time in the process, but I am just glad my asking if she needs to go has drastically settled down.

my little buddy!

We are only 2 months away from her 3rd birthday and she is still taking a 2 hour nap each afternoon from 1pm-3pm. We go so hard during the mornings that she looks forward to her nap time. She is so precious when she sleeps! Ah! It just recharges my Mama Spirit when I see her so tender. We are still having her sleep in a crib right now. She hasn't outgrown it, yet! I think we are going to try and move her to a bed soon, but I'm in NO rush because I really want her to still nap when the baby comes. She has quite the entourage of stuffed animals that MUST be in her crib at all times.
The line up: Apache-dalmation dog, Bugzie Lamby-the lamb with big eyes, Love Puppy-the dog with a red heart on his body, Zoe-the mini dog Grandma-Great Steele got her at the beach, Purple elephant-a purple elephant Grandma-Great Steele got her awhile back, Prayer Lamby-a cream lamb that is kneeling and praying, Baby Jaguar-a multi colored jaguar looking thing, and Pillow Pet-a small ladybug pillow pet Grandma Briggs got her. I think that is it! And I'm NOT kidding!! If one is missing, she KNOWS!

sleeeepy head

post nap grump still twirling that hair! 

I must say, having a toddler who can tell me what hurts, or how she hurt it, or if she was picked on in nursery, or what she exactly wants for lunch, or if she's tired or hungry, it is pretty sweet. We were driving in the car the other day and she just spoke up and said, "Mom, sometimes ____ and _____ are not very nice in nursery." I kind of could guess why, but it was the first moment where she told me something that had been obviously bothering her, but hadn't mentioned anything until then. I asked her if they hit her or made her cry, but she just said they are loud and crazy. I told her that if they ever hit her, she needed to tell the nursery leader about it. At the same time, I was so glad she told me about it, but then it just stressed me out that this is just the beginning of her handling her own situations and problems when I'm not around. I wish I could be there with her all the time to protect her or be a fly on the wall, but that just isn't possible, and won't ever let her grow.

before Church. Love her cheesy smiles! 

We have been loving out weekly trips to the library. She loves picking out new books and reading them over and over again when we get home. After we pick out some books, we have the Baby Song Time for 30 minutes. The people (well I guess mama) watching is always at an all-time high and Brinley is getting more and more confident going up to the front and dancing with her friends.

the library bag I sewed for Brinley but it is a BIT too small. I've only been picking out library books that will actually FIT inside. I just need to sew her a bigger bag! 

She LOVES talking about her baby sister and including her in everything. She prays for her and loves to give her kisses all the time. She often tells me with a scrunchy face, "Mama, your belly is getting really big." Umm, thank you? I really hope she loves her baby sister in the flesh and not just imagining that she will love her!

smooches for baby sissy

Brinley's imagination has completely taken off in the past few months. She loves to pretend she is a doctor, or a mommy, or a baby, or an animal, or basically anything she watches in a show, she loves to play along. I always have to make sure she is pretending when she wants me to play doctor because she will complain about lots of hurt things and I just want her to know that if she really IS sick, she needs to tell me, and it is good to distinguish between pretend and real. It is also nice that if she wants something filled with water, I usually say, "Brin, just pretend there is water in there!" Most times, she goes along with it :-)

wearing a 12 month duck Halloween costume. Silly girl! It still sorta fit her!  

Pretending to sleep :-)

I also love that she loves to play by herself and keep herself busy when I'm cleaning or just lounging on the couch. When I took the picture below, she was having a full on conversation between all her animals, using different voices, and she had a whole story line down. I couldn't believe it. It made me laugh SO hard.

always wanting to snack on that popcorn!

reading her new favorite book from Miss Greta! 

Finally, this girl and her daddy. She loves him sooooo much. When we take him to work/school in the mornings, she always needs a kiss from him when he gets out of the car, and then when he is walking towards the building, she wants one last wave. So I roll the window down, and she waves, he waves, and then we head back home. She is a girl of routines let me tell you!! When he gets home from work, she cannot stop talking! Those two! She has to tell him everything from her day, show him her toys, cuddle, play pretend, and if Ryan even THINKS about talking to ME, she starts saying "No Daddy!!! Talk to meeee!!!" I mean, can you blame her? He's the coolest guy I know, too! So after we put Brinley to bed, that is when we usually have our adult conversations about both our days and discuss life.

I sure love this girl, and I am so grateful she is my first born. She is so special to me and it just amazes me how big she is getting. She is changing all the time and constantly learning new things. I hope she is learning some life lessons of making friends, and being nice to others too along with all that we talk about and discuss. She loves her friends and talks about them nonstop. I am so happy that she transitioned so well into a new group of friends! 

5 Guys kind of weekend

Ryan and I saw this video on Facebook a few weeks ago and we seriously can't stop talking about. Naturally, we wanted to go eat at 5 Guys right away, but we tried to hold off ($ and big-juicy-burger-we-didn't-really-neeeed-to-eat), So this weekend, we finally went. 

"look at the bacon..."

Cute family

All I see when looking at this picture is $$$$$$. Holy braces alert in 10 yrs! Her jaw doesn't shut crooked, but she smiles crooked! 

Yuuuuuuuuuum :-)

Enjoying her Kosher dog

Burger eating is serious business! 

This mama loves a good burger! 

Shout out to Idaho!!!!!!!!!! We love eating at 5 Guys just to see where the potatoes are from! 

Less than 2 months to Due Date!

These side view shots make me LAUGH! 20 weeks later, I am b-i-g!

I can't look at too many pre-pregnancy pictures because I just frown and comment about how SKINNY my face looks! Pregnancy does wonders for my Steele cheeks (thanks Dad for those genes!).

Well peeps,

we are less than 2 months away from October 13th. Life is going to speed up really quickly REALLY soon, especially with school starting in less than 2 weeks. I am looking forward to school starting again, but that just means the next thing that is going to happen will be the birth of this baby!! 

I am actually feeling great for the most part. Not much has changed since my last pregnancy update. My body has really started to itch A LOT and it drives me insane. No matter what amount of lotion I use, I still itch all day long. My belly seems to be splitting at the seams, and it honestly scares me how much bigger it is going to get. Sleeping at night is off and on with all the potty breaks, but thankfully, my body pillow has saved me this pregnancy. It takes up most of the bed, which drives Ryan crazy, but at least it keeps me comfortable! Sleep seems to happen about every other night. Some nights, I pass right out and only wake up once or twice staggering to the bathroom, but other nights I toss and turn for hours and wake up ever 2 hours. My doctor said it was fine to take things like Tylenol PM or a Benadryl, but I haven't really found it necessary to opt for those drugs quite yet.

The main thing that really concerns me is how intense my contractions have been. They are still really inconsistent, but boy they HURT. The other night, I was having contractions 8 minutes apart, but after the third one, they stopped. I reaaaaaally don't want to go into the hospital to just be sent home, so thankfully, warm baths and just going to sleep has helped with that. I know they aren't "real" contractions yet, but seriously, they suck and need to stop bothering me. 

When I lay on my side before going to bed, Ryan and I just laugh and laugh with all the body parts we can feel. Sometimes I swear I could just grab a limb because she pokes out so much! She loves to be busy at night and bounce around. I am praying she makes the head down descent soon. At my last two appointments she has been breech. 

Our name situation is pretty pathetic for the most part. We are stuck on a different name right now, so we'll see where we are at when she is born! Brinley's name fits her so perfectly that I'm scared to pick the wrong name for this baby! I guess we are just waiting to see her face and the name will just feel right.

**We just rolled over 100,000 views on the blog! I never thought this little blog would get any hits close to six figures! Exciting!**

I'm Happy

I feel this blog is so "post when events happen," and not really reflecting on much journaling and deep thinking.

I mean, I have vented plenty on here, but I haven't really said much lately about my personal feelings about things in awhile.

Many of you know that I struggled a bunch with my own personal happiness while I was nannying full-time. It was a wonderful thing to be able to make some money on the side, especially staying home with Brinley and carrying for her as well. The bummer side was that the money wasn't good whatsoever with how much time and energy I was putting into nannying. Lets just say, watching someone else's kid for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week is noooot an easy thing to do. I found myself becoming very impatient, quick to anger, and kind of losing my own sense of ME- which is a HUGE deal for a young mother.

I felt very isolated not being able to leave the house all week and interact with adults. I missed out on tons of play dates and other various activities like going to the library for music time, or going to the mall play place on a rainy afternoon, or doing some dang grocery shopping in the morning instead of at 6pm when Ryan got home from work/school.

Early on, I knew this wasn't the life I wanted for me, or for Brinley, but I made the sacrifice for my family. She saw me get angry over silly things, or just force her to watch TV when the house was chaotic or when I just needed a break. I started watching this child when she was 12 weeks old. I sleep trained her, I helped her crawl, I helped her transition to solids, I helped her walk. It was weird to me that I was doing these things and not her mother. I didn't enjoy being a co-parent in someone else's child's life. It was always so awkward for me to discuss certain behavioral issues, or eating habits, or just situations in general to the parent. Especially when Brinley and Ryan got Hand Foot And Mouth Disease and she still wanted her daughter to come to my house. I was going to quit right then and there. Thankfully, she saw the light and did what any parent would do in that situation, not bring their child to daycare! Don't get me wrong, we lucked out on the family I cared for, but in reality, I just wasn't cut out for this type of work.

We wanted to move to the other side of town for various reasons and safety concerns, but the biggest thing was that when we found out we were expecting #2, I knew I didn't want to continue nannying. I didn't like where we were living, and I definitely didn't like not being able to leave the house during the day. I wanted more for me, and even more for Brinley.

It took me weeeeks to gain the confidence to tell the parent of the child I was watching that I wasn't going to continue watching her after we moved. Finally, the day came when the "for rent" sign was going to be placed in the grass, and I knew I had to talk to her about it. The conversation was so hilarious.

Me: I'm pregnant! and we're moving.

Her: We're moving too!

Me: Okay!? Perfect!

Seriously!! It could not have ended more perfectly. I didn't want her to be upset that I wasn't going to watch her child anymore, but when she said that they were moving too, it was so easy. She was thrilled to hear we were expecting and that we were moving onto bigger and better things. We parted ways so wonderfully and looking back, nannying helped me during a time when I needed to learn (not sure what, maybe learning that I never wanted to nanny again?!). I went through the entire molar pregnancy while nannying and survived. That in and of itself is a huge triumph. I blame a lot of my mixed feelings of anger, sadness, discouragement, and self loathing on my wacked out hormones from the molar pregnancy. I should have told the parent what we were going through while it was happening, but deep down I didn't really want anyone knowing what I was struggling with. Especially with it being so raw and new. 

We finally moved, and they were about to move when she invited us over for a last time play date with their child and Brinley and for us to say goodbye. I was kind of dreading the whole thing because I was so tired of nannying, and it was hot, and I was pregnant and cranky, and I just wanted to start a new life. But when we got over there, I was so happy we went. The girls had so much fun playing together. We stayed for about an hour. 

As we were leaving, she said she had a gift for us. As we hugged, she started to cry. I laughed and told her that we would see them again and to not cry! She told me how grateful she was that we found each other and that we were really put into each others lives to help each other out during this time. She kept saying over and over again, I'm just so grateful for the care and love you showed to my daughter. I started to tear up too because of how sincere and real this situation was. I felt so bad for getting upset and short tempered when things got hard. I felt bad for not always having my heart in it 100% of the time. But if I was a working mother, I would have wanted Brinley in a home daycare situation like her daughter was in and having that one-on-one care like she did. 

It really put in perspective why I did this whole nannying thing for as long as I did. I'm not sure when it happened, but I started to worry what would happen to this child if I stopped watching her. I loved that little girl. She was a huge part of our lives and I just appreciated the fact that she enjoyed being in our home. Sure, she was a tough baby most of the times. And sure, it drove me crazy that she was eating baby food 75% of the time at 18 months old. And sure, when she would have her crying fits and throw up all over the pack in play or high chair I almost walked out our front door and planned to never come back (and yes, the throwing up fits happened about twice a month for the entire duration of nannying).

Today, I am loving life as a mom-on-the-go with my toddler in tow. 

I was so excited to be apart of play dates and library time and be able to grocery shop whenever I wanted!! I am happy I didn't give up on play group when I first started going because I was the only one there 3 weeks in a row! After the 3rd let down from play group I told Ryan I wasn't going to go anymore and would do something else with Brinley that morning. I went to the Library for our first music time the following day, when I saw a mom from the ward with her two girls!! She invited me to sit with them, and said that a couple other moms would be there too. The music time was fantastic. Afterwards, they continued the play date to the closest Chick-Fil-A where we ate lunch and let the kids run around the play place for awhile. 

It was wonderful. I met some cool moms. And they wanted to get to know me! The following week, we opted out of play group, but went to Library time. The same ladies were there, and while we were getting to know each other at Chick-Fil-A, they told me why I hadn't been at play group that week. I joked with them and told them I had been stood up multiple times and had given up! Well, we fixed that situation. We swapped numbers and I've never been stood up again.

All these play dates and fun times I've been having as a mom with an open schedule again, made me realize that I thrive on adult (mom) interaction and desperately need to have a life! I have made great friends in our new ward and I just love and appreciate their willingness to welcome me into their Cool Moms Club and I am grateful to be apart of it :-) They have even settled my fears about what to do with Brinley when I go into labor, and I could not be more grateful for their willingness to be open to help when that times arrives. 

I am so happy. For the first time in awhile, sad to admit, I am happy. Completely happy! After we moved, I felt pretty sad about things and having to make new friends. I loved my little life with my family, but I needed more for the other parts of my life. After I got rolling with play dates, Ryan told me that he had prayed that I would make some new friends. What a sweet husband. I am just so grateful for his concern and love for me and that his prayer was answered. And it definitely has. 

Baby Project #2 done!!!

Another baby project down!! 

blanket project here

These burp cloths were a cinch to do and took me no time at all. Looking back, I wish I picked different fabric. Maybe they were on sale?? I blame my random choices on hurrying through Joann's to avoid a meltdown. But, I'm still happy with how they turned out. 

Next up,

getting my dying pants on for my dream gauze blankets! But let's be honest, I really wish we could afford the Aden and Anais receiving blankets! At only $3.98/yard, I can sew a lot more blankets than just 4!

and at the same time, I'll dye some old white onesies!

Over Achiever, obviously.

I have been dreaming about our next family pictures for quite some time now. These new pictures will also double as our Christmas cards so basically, we gotta look good!! 

Ever since we found out our #2 was a girl, I couldn't help but dream of matching dresses for her and Brinley, basically for every occasion and Holiday until they are at the age to protest. Which for my sister and I, we were 12 and 10. We were dressed in dark green silk taffeta for my aunt's wedding. It was the last time we were ever caught dead in matching dresses! 

I couldn't find exact matching dresses for Brinley and baby girl, but I have been searching and searching for coordinating outfits. My goal is to have pictures done within the first month of baby girl's life just to keep her all cute and snuggly and newborn-ish. Everything she will wear will be ginormous, but hey, she's gotta look cute too!!

The color pallet plan started while we were in Atlanta a couple weekends ago. My mom and I just happened to end up in Baby Gap perusing, when we spotted this gorgeous dress for Brinley. The colors were exactly what I was envisioning. I cannot for the life of me find this dress on-line! Which means, it is a store only or sold out and is hard to find! It was on sale for $20 and I am sooo happy we got it.

front

back

All Brinley needs is a perfect hair accessory and maybe some cute navy flats of some sort, peep toe would be perfect! I just love the design. But even more, all the colors. Bright oranges, pinks, and red too. Gorgeous!! 

Now, what does a one month old wear for family pictures!? Sure, a onesie could be fine. But then I spotted this dress. I couldn't get the image out of my mind for days. It is a bit neural compared to Brinley's dress, but I didn't want two clashing designs. And I didn't want to fuss with the dress either. This should be super comfy for the new babe. Stripes go with everything. And this baby will be so shlumpy in anything she wears, so stripes it is! I ordered it online (with a 30% off promo Gap was doing) and got it for $15. Steal! I plan on pairing this adorable dress with a pink bow/headband and possibly some pink tights.

Dressing children and babies is sooo eassssy.

Ryan seems to have a outfit picked out in his mind, but what blew my mind is that he mentioned a bowtie!!!! He said he wants to take the plunge and try wearing one.

The bigger question is, what does a one month post-baby Mama wear for family pictures?

I keep seeing myself in a really pretty chiffon cream dress, with my nude pumps, and some nice gold accessories.

But where to find the dress?
or a top and skirt?

Any ideas??

4 Years

The only two words I can think that describes how I felt that day was"of course." It was so natural to marry you. It was the next step. It made sense. We were head over heels for each other. We met under circumstances where we couldn't just brush it off. We met during a time where we shouldn't have met. Me, mission bound and new to North Carolina. And you, just home from your mission and heading off to school. Our wild courtship made everyone, including us, crazy! Ups and downs all over the place. Even when we weren't technically "together," I knew in my heart that you were the only one for me.

surprise engagement on the dock!

one of my favorite engagement pictures. We look so young!

I remember walking around that corner in the Temple in my wedding dress anticipating seeing you on the other side. We just stood there and laughed when our eyes met. We were married. We were together for eternity. We made promises to each other and to God that we would be each others companion forever. Forever! 

We walked out of those Temple doors hand in hand just beaming. I couldn't help but laugh and smile and laugh some more. We had been on this journey to get to the Temple our whole lives, and we had finally made it. Catching your eye across the crowd that day made my heart leap. You just had this look like, we're married! You're my wife!! I couldn't believe it.

Our wedding day was perfect. Perfect weather. Perfect company. Perfect dress. Perfect wedding colors. Perfect food. It was a gorgeous North Carolina summer day where the heat had cooled to a comfortable 85 degrees. We had so many special family members come from far away places to be with us on our special day.

Even though we have had some hardships and trials in the past 4 years, we are closer than ever. We have a beautiful little girl to prove to the world our love for each other, and another little girl on the way. Life has taken us in many directions, and across the country multiple times, but my love for you has only gotten stronger, and deeper. I love you more today than I did yesterday. I felt so lucky to hang on your arm 4 years ago and I still feel that way. Now, we are just juggling a toddler and trying our hardest to get through law school in one piece, but even now when our hands meet, it just feels right. Thank you for being my best friend and perfect companion to make it through this life. 

3 years

2 years

1 year

Atlanta Weekend

Finally! Our dream weekend of meeting my parents in Atlanta finally happened!! And the bonus was, my brother and his family were able to come as well. They move to Seattle in a few weeks (insert saddest face on the planet) and this was our last opportunity to hang out. We won't see them until next summer so transitioning from seeing them every few months to not seeing them until next year is SAD! We are way bummed out.

The weekend was nonstop fun and my body is now paying for it. This 30-week pregnant woman is tiiiiired. We went to the zoo on my birthday, went swimming, ate good food, played with the kids nonstop, attended the temple (our main focus of even doing the Atlanta trip to begin with), and watching the Olympics every night! 

I am grateful for my parents for arranging this weekend. It was so special to be all together as a family over my birthday and to enjoy each others company. Everyone made such an effort to making me feel special on my birthday. It really was the perfect weekend. The kids just love each other so much and they (for the most part) play really well together. The boys bring out the tough girl side of Brinley, and Brinley brings out the tender side in the boys. It's a good compromise.

morning snuggles after waking up being 7am every morning!

ZOO time!! 

Grandparents and the kids

Meltdown after the zoo. 7 hrs of sleep the night before+no nap after the zoo=tiiiired girl!

My mom brought goodie bags for me and the kids to have a little birthday party for me! We had cupcakes and had fun playing together with our new toys!

Saturday morning, we went to the Temple.

I thought this picture was so funny. We always have such a fun time with my brother David and his wife Tiffany.

Group shot with my Dad.

Uncle David and Brinley. She LOOOOVES her crazy Uncle David.

It was raining Saturday morning so we decided to hit up one of the malls in Atlanta, and of course it had a LEGO store! Brinley is new to Legos, but after coming to this store, we are totally going to get her a set of LEGOs for her Birthday!

The rain stopped so we headed to the park!

Ladies lounging while the daddy's and Grandpa chased the kids.

Grandpa with the kids!

The last night we were together, Grandma read a few books to the kids!

Birthday Song

detailed birthday post here

My Birthday Week

*long post.

It seems like my birthday for the past few years has been kind of...brushed to the side. I'm not a complainer. And I definitely don't like all the attention on me. Like singing to me in public is the WORST idea ever. My face gets red and I do weird things with my arms like leading the birthday song to make it awkward for everyone else too. But you still want to feel a little special :-)

Last year, we said goodbye to our bff's and headed up to Charlotte. Ryan got me flowers that day which totally brightened my day, but we left for a week and when we got back, the flowers were dead...and spending 8 hours in the car on your birthday=good times, really.

This year, Ryan was determined to go big. And go big he did! 

The week before, 
Brinley and Ryan went to the mall for a date and to do a bit of birthday shopping. When they got back, I asked Brinley if Ryan got me any presents. She goes, "Ya! They're in your room!" So naturally, I said, "show me!!" hahahaha The next thing I know, she's grabbing my hand, leading me straight to Ryan's hiding spot. It was so amazing. Ryan was not amused. I didn't see anything except a bag, but Brinley got really upset that I couldn't open the present. She threw a pretty massive size tantrum about it. And Ryan, being the nice guy and all, let me open a present a week early!!

He has good jewelry taste :-)

On Tuesday, 
the UPS guy dropped off a few more boxes. What the what!? I had been hinting that I wanted some new running shoes. All the cool coaches at Brinley's gymnastics center have been wearing the new Nike Free's in those bright neon colors. Of course I just want to look like I know what I'm doing and fit in with the "cool girls." He opened the box in the kitchen to make sure it was the right thing he ordered, and he goes, "So I got you the shoes you wanted. But I think they sent you the wrong ones. If you hate them, we can send them back and get you something else." I get to open ANOTHER present?? My birthday isn't for another 3 days!!! 

They were the right color and I fell in love immediately :-) I can't wait to start running and working out after this baby is born! They look yellow in the pictures, but it is actually really bright neon green and it is ah-mazing.

boom baby!!

 she insisted on getting her picture taken next to me :-) Those are her designated "running shoes."

and he got me some new dri-fit Nike running shorts for post-baby workouts to resume. He's the best :-)

Wednesday night, 
we picked up Ryan after work and went straight to Red Elephant for my Birthday dinner. It's our favorite place to go and it is so family friendly. Great food. Great service. Can't beat it!

On Thursday night, 
we are driving to Atlanta to meet up with my parents and my brother and his family for the weekend. It is going to be a party! It is a bitter sweet trip because my brother and his family are moving back to Seattle in a few weeks :-( We have been so lucky to have family within a days drive, especially for Brinley to be with her cousins. We will miss them dearly, but thankfully, we are very good at skyping with them and the kids just love each other so much! Can't wait to start planning our trip out there after Ryan graduates. I miss Seattle!!
My Dad's birthday was last Sunday. Mine is Friday. My sis in law Tiffany's is the week after mine, and then my brother David's birthday is the week after that! We are planning on going to the Zoo with the kiddos. Ryan and I are planning on attending the Temple t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r! Which never happens for us since we have to do our sessions separately! and just have fun together!!

Friday is my OFFICIAL birthday. But I think it is much more fun to have a week long birthday :-) And using the excuse, "It's my birthday," has come out of my mouth more than once a day for the past week. It is just too good to pass up when you only get one birthday a year! I really enjoyed being 25 for the past year, so now reaching my "late 20's" is a bit daunting. Or am I still considered a "mid-20?" I don't know. 26 is a big number now, so hopefully this year will be sweet! I can't imagine where we will be NEXT August with all that is happening this year, but it will be really fun to look back at this post and reflect!