Sickness subsided

To say that our week improved from my last blog vent about being sick, you are ca-raaazy town. Ryan was in bed from Monday until Sunday. He was so sick. We are positive he had an adult case of Hand Foot and Mouth. Apparently, these childhood diseases do not transfer over to adults the same way, and in fact, the doctor Ryan saw last Friday had never seen a case this bad. EVER. Basically, when you're contagious and sick, please do not go in public places. Isn't that kind of common sense??? Apparently not! 

He was taking hydrocodon for the pain. It was absolutely ridonkulous. Here are pictures of his hands. Times this by 500 MILLION when it came to his face. He has blisters from his eyebrows, down his nose, and on his upper lip. He was so miserable. He had blisters in his ears. On his toes. In his mouth. Down his throat. In his nose. It was awful. He kept himself busy with Prison Break on Instant Netflix and sleeping a LOT.

He went back to school yesterday and took a 5-hour energy drink. I was so happy to see him motivated and ready to get back into the swing of things. Besides a bit of discomfort still in his throat, Ry is much better. 

I was kind of mess all week. Tired. Cranky. Stressed I was going to get sick. Cleaned every inch of my house with Lysol. and being a non-stop, full-time mom. I had to answer to every call of Brinley's and that gets oooooooooold after 6 straight days. Man, it would have been nice to get a break if we had family around, but we definitely grow closer together as a family having to go through awful experiences! She woke up multiple times each night, but thankfully, we all slept in until 8 or 9am everyday. I am still completely exhausted but I am happy to be back into our routine. My husband is back in my bed (he was upstairs quarantined) but we still haven't smooched on the lips since Monday! Holy cow! I am terrified to get this virus so maybe a few more days just to be safe :-)

But look at this cute thing. Her eyes. Her cute lips and nose. I love her. We watched so many movies this weekend. but I tried to do one fun thing a day like painting or running outside to break up the monotony. 

We appreciate all those who prayed for us! I honestly didn't see a glimmer of light and hope until Sunday, so I am grateful to get my husband back. Health is something I will never ever take for granted.

We. Are. ALIVE!

Ohhhh my gosh.

It has been the week from hell. 

We were so busy last week I seriously could not even handle the drama. Between Ryan's constantly busy law school schedule and having weird unexpected things happen (Ryan's Grandpa's passing), and the sister missionaries coming over for dinner last minute, and I was totally cranky and tired and frustrated all week, and of course Brinley getting sick starting on Wednesday.

First, it started with a fever for 2 days, and then by Friday, she started complaining that her mouth hurt. Ryan took the day off to help me out with the chaos, thank goodness!! He was super dad this weekend. Ryan decided to take her into Urgent Care and they tested her for strep. It came back negative, but he still decided to give her the strep shot just to be sure because the test is only 85% effective.

Basically, when I thought Brinley was on the up and up, we took a dive down hill at max speed. We were up all night with her on Friday. She cried and cried and criiiied. We gave up around 10pm and let her just chill with us. We brought her into bed with us around 11pm, slept for an hour, and then she woke up and threw up all over Ryan. I kind of lost my mind for a bit, cleaned her up, and put her in HER crib and she passed right out. She ended up sleeping the rest of the night. I was so fired up and exhausted by this point. I am such a wimpy mom when it comes to sick kids.

By Saturday, it was the same thing with Brinley. She would cry every time she drank something. I started searching on-line and I pin pointed Hand Food and Mouth disease. She did have a couple red little blisters on her bum and elbow, but other than that, I'm still not 100% positive. The only thing I was worried about was that it is highly contagious. Don't even get me started where she may have gotten it and how ignorant some people are when their children are SICK and CONTAGIOUS why they don't think it is that big of a deal. I don't think Brinley will be attending nursery in awhile. AHhh. So bothered. She didn't go anywhere except Church over the weekend so that is the only place I can think of where she got it. Some parents just don't care I guess!

Thankfully, she has been sleeping better and eating better. Unfortunately, now Ryan has come down with a fever and chills. He is so over worked and stressed that I am not surprised at all. This past weekend was not fun at all. We were all stressed. And anxious. and worried. and don't even get me started about what I have been dealing with lately! Don't even get me started!!! I haven't cooked since...last Thursday and I couldn't care less. I probably should make something tonight but I have no energy and I don't think Ryan or Brinley will have an appetite! Oh the joys....

So basically, where have we been lately? 

I have been doing LOADS of laundry. 

and sanitizing up to my ears.

and watching lots of movies with my home girl, Brin.

Fenton Briggs

Yesterday, Ryan's Grandpa Briggs passed away. Which was an ironic date because four years ago, Ryan proposed to me on the dock of my parents house. February 16th has a new meaning for me now- my life as a Briggs was going to begin, and sweet Grandpa Briggs passed away. He was 89 years old and lived a full life. I met Grandpa when Ryan and I were engaged, and he was the sweetest man. I love that about Ryan's grandparents, they welcomed me into their family with open arms. Grandpa Briggs was a teaser, which explains why Ryan teases me sometimes relentlessly :-) it is all out of love! And Ryan's precious Grandmother, Elsie? I. Love. Her. She is such an amazing woman and I know she is already missing her sweetheart. I plan on naming one of our future babes in honor of her, and I know she would just love that.

One of the greatest memories I have with Grandpa Briggs was being able to be with him over Christmas 2009. Grandpa and Grandma Briggs drove to Rexburg from Pocatello for Ryan's graduation and only a few days later we all met up at the cabin in Driggs. They loved seeing Brinley and being able to cuddle with her. She was only 6ish weeks old and soooooo itty bitty. I love multiple generations being together because we could see so clearly how blessed our family is.

It was amazing to be together over that Christmas break and even though I didn't know Grandpa Briggs very well, or for very long, I know he was a good man and I loved the moments we spent together. I know he was a good man because my father-in-law Larry is one of the most wonderful man I have ever met. He is so genuinely wonderful and I love my Briggs family so much. And of course, my wonderful husband who loved, respected, and honored his grandfather. Ryan is so proud that his Grandpa served in the Army Air Corps flying planes. I have seen those metals, pictures, and model airplanes in Grandpa's study. He was a babe in those military pictures! Swoooon!

He battled many health problems towards the end of his life and I feel so blessed to have known him, and for him to have met Brinley.  We love you, Grandpa and you better tell our future children, no funny business next time trying to get to earth, okkkay??? Whip them into shape!


Grandpa Briggs
Larry my father-in-law
Ryan
and
Brinley.

Oh, how I am so grateful you blessed me with my rockstar husband and my sweetheart Brinley.

October 24, 1922 - February 16, 2012

Valentine's surprise! breakfast

Late Monday night before going to bed, Ryan was busy in the kitchen setting up my special Valentine's breakfast. All weekend, he kept coming home with a new bag from the grocery store with something for Valentine's day. We usually make a fancy dinner on Valentine's day, but this man has a special Friday night planned for just the two of us. We don't get a legit 17-year-old-babysitter very often, but Friday night we're doing it. It will be good for us! Dinner res, fancy clothes, possibly some red lipstick on me, and Blue Bell ice cream cones waiting for us when we get home.

Tuesday morning, Ryan served up waffles with raspberries, strawberries, cool whip, and syrup! He went ALL out. Brinley even woke up before he had to leave for school and enjoyed a whole waffle. She wasn't too sure about the raspberries, but gobbled up the strawberries! Granted, it was only 7:30am so we were all pretty tired and dazed during breakfast, but it was such a nice surprise! We love you, Daddy!  Thank you for making it such a special day for us!

pretty table setting!

my gifts and card

When Brinley saw her new puppy, she gave him a hug and said "Puppy! Stop licking me!" while giggling. This girl could not get any more cute I swear!!

Good mornin!

Daddy and his baby girl

Brinley was so excited!! 

Check out past years Valentine's Day.

2011

2010

2009

To my main squeeze

Sometimes we don't see each other more than the early morning when I'm half awake and late at night when I'm half asleep.

and Sometimes you make me crazy with your law school schedule.

Sometimes it drives me crazy folding the laundry and finding every one of your socks turned wrong side out (I counted 22 one time, that's a lot of pulling-right-side-out).

Sometimes you make me watch weird sci-fi and comic book movies.

and Sometimes you don't fully understand my hormonal rampages about our baby making journey.

but, you always make me laugh.

You always help me dream with you when we talk about our future.

and you always let me have a good cry when I need one, even if it is after a stupid argument and we both feel lame for arguing in the first place. 

You always help me see good in everyone. 

You are always the best daddy and Brinley loves you more than goldfish and whole milk (that's saying a LOT!)

and you are always super sexy (had to throw that one in there).

(pictures taken over New Years 2011)

Happy Valentine's Day, Babe!! Excited to go out for dinner with just you on Friday! Yay for willing babysitters! Love you.

as of late: on my pinterest

for my next birthday please.

via

next sewing project for myself.

via

sewing project for spring/summer skirts for Brinley.

via

a project to work on.

via

to eat as soon as possible.

via

recipes for my first time baking bread.

via

me way too often!

via

seriously...we will be doing this! Freya, can you even imagine?? (because you will be taking our announcing to the world pictures hahhaa...are you okay with that??)

via

Potty training paused

On Monday morning, I had all intentions of getting potty training a 100% effort. Brinley woke up around 8:30am and I knew by 10am, she was ready for a pee pee. She rocked it. After 10 minutes on the potty, she did it and I was so proud! We called Grandma and put the sticker on the chart and also shared a few M&M's. 

I kept checking Brinley if she had any accidents while she was playing around but by 11:15am, she was still dry! I sat her on the potty again for 15 minutes, nothing happened. So I waited closer to 12, she still didn't do anything. It was getting too close to nap time, and she was definitely acting tired and hungry. As I was preparing lunch, she ended up having a dirty diaper. I was SO bummed! If I had kept her on the potty for 10 or so more minutes, she may have pooped! What a victory that would have been! I knew she needed to pee pee, but I think she was working on that poop and wasn't ready to do it on the potty. For some reason, Brinley doesn't need to pee every hour, so I just need to watch her body language. She has started doing a bit of a potty dance and it is pretty funny. 

As you can tell, potty training stopped after nap time.

I realized that trying to potty train Brinley while watching a very active 1 year old, is verrrry challenging. Granted, she had a victory Monday morning, but unfortunately, life has handed us a new lemon, and we still don't know what we are doing with it. 

So for now, we are extremely happy Brinley has done 3 pee pees in the potty. I was ready to potty train and I think Brinley was too, but now, I have so many things on my mind. Brinley hasn't asked about the potty really since Monday, so I don't think she cares too much. We are postponing full-on potty training until life settles down a bit. I'm wondering if my life will ever settle down!! This month has already been insane and hopefully, by the end of February we will know more! 

No brainer

Ordering Ashley's choose joy necklace was a no brainer. The Vintage Pearl created the Choose Joy necklace to help support Ashley and her medical bills. I can't wait to wear it everyday and remember her and her struggles, but more importantly the impact she has made on me during my molar pregnancy journey. Choosing Joy everyday really has changed my outlook on this whole experience.

Pre-order yours here.

Brinley videos worth watching

#1
mountains and dragons


#2
head shoulders knees and toes


#3
the chicken wing

Potty Dance!

 On Saturday, I went off to Walmart to buy a little potty. I think Brinley is a bit freaked out about sitting on the toilet topper seat and her little bum falls through. Her new potty is pink and cushioned. I mean, totally deluxe! Plus, it is a 3 in 1; small potty, toilet topper potty, and then a foot stool. I got home from the store around 3pm and apparently, she was talking about the potty while I was at the store. I knew she was ready to give it a go!

So, there we went! Into the bathroom, opened the box, set the potty up, and she sat right there. While drinking LOTS of apple juice and watching Curious George on the iPad.

for an hour. I even painted her toe nails. 

I gave up, put the diaper back on, and relaxed with Daddy on the couch. I gave her an M&M for sitting so patiently on the potty.

About 10 minutes later, I said, "lets go potty!" She jumped right up and sat on the potty without hesitation (or bribery!). No joke, 2 minutes later, tinkle tinkle tinkle!!!

I swear, I almost cried. It was the most joyous sound. haha!!! (never thought I would get emotional about pee pee!)

I started screaming, "You're going pee pee, Brinley!!!" and she started getting so excited and screaming. and I mean, screaaaming.....her voice is sooo unbelievably loud! I gave her an M&M, put stickers on her chart, and called the Grandparents and Auntie Jill. Brinley ran around the house screaming in her panties. I died. This girl and her entusiasm. It is out of control!

For her first time going in the potty, I surprised her with her first ever, My Little Pony. It was a biiiig hit :-)

this video was after we screamed back and forth 3-4 times. It was so hilarious we had to video tape it!


did you hear her say, come here little horse!? (0:16) So cute!

I cleaned her up, cleaned the potty, put her new Dora panties on, and set our timer for 45 more minutes. When that timer started beeping, onto the potty Brinley went and she went pee pee again after only 5 minutes sitting on the potty!!!

yes, her puppy has undies on too. 

I tried again before dinner time but she just sat and sat. She was more concerned with the sticker chart. I knew she was tired, so we made dinner and forgot about it. I checked her diaper after dinner and it was a full diaper! so, I think every 45-50 minutes is a good judge of time for now until she starts holding it better and actually tells me when she needs to go! It was my fault for not starting the whole potty going process Monday morning, but she was just so dang excited to use it. She had a minor sugar overload from so much juice and the 5 M&M's we gave her so she only went twice Saturday afternoon.

Homemade Valentine's

I really do love Brinley's artistic side. She loves to color, paint, draw, and mold play doh. I try to pull out her art supplies once a day because she just loves it so much, and it keeps her busy for at least an hour (on a good day). I turn on Pandora, and we just chill together and color. I picked up a paint set at the store the other day and Brinley has been asking to paint every day since I let her the first day I pulled it out of the bag. She loves it. I put her finished paintings up on the fridge and she loves to take them down and show me, or rip them up. hahhaa those ended up in the trash. I hope we have a little artist in the making because mama wasn't blessed with any artistic ability. Just another trait that she got from her daddy :-)

and a great video of Brinley telling us about her paintings:

Last week, my Mom sent Brinley a package full of Valentine's Day art supplies to make homemade cards. Who doesn't love a homemade Valentine from a sweetie like Brinley?? I mean, come on!!

So, if you could ever be so lucky, you might be receiving one of these heart shaped beauties in the mail :-)

Just remember, she's only 2 :-) hahaha

Remembering February Second

I really don't like to break down into nonsense, but let me tell you. Sometimes a girl just needs to cry. And my eyes are so puffy this morning and my head is pounding. Some how, I was able to fall asleep last night with a completely stuffed up nose, throbbing jaw, and still wet eyes. And Brinley woke up at 6:30 this morning of course which means her day will be long and sad because when she doesn't get her normal 14 hours of sleep, she has a hard time.

February 2nd, 2011 was the day that started this all. I don't even remember anything about the day except peeing on 3 pregnancy tests that all said positive.

We were so happy. I was so happy our children would be 2 years apart. Another October baby. We were without a care in the world. And We were ignorant to the idea that this little babe wouldn't turn out exactly like Brinley. I miss that joy. I miss being excited for new happy changes.

I can't believe it has been a year, but at the same time, it feels like it has been 5 years of waiting. Definitely the longest trial I have ever gone through.

Last night, I was reminded that it isn't as easy as everyone thinks it is. That just because the year wait is over, the baby making process just picks up where we left off. If only it was that easy.

Living the past year with the fear every month that my blood tests wouldn't come back positive has been very traumatic. Can you imagine going in every month to check if you have cancer or not?? At times I think I am suffering still from post traumatic stress syndrome or something because it never ended.

For 12 months, I was scared. Every day. The slightest change in my body would set me over the edge of a nervous breakdown. If my period was too heavy, or too late, or if I had cramps randomly during the month. My mind always went there. It always went there. I took so many stupid pregnancy tests. Not to see if I was actually pregnant, but to see if they would come back positive because of the increase in the HCG hormone.

I also struggle with guilt. Why her, and not me? The alternative could be so bad, and I know that, but a part of me thinks, well at least if you had cancer, you wouldn't be afraid evey month. You would be on the road to fixing the problem, not prolonging it. Yes, fear would still be there, I'm not dismissing that, but I just feel guilty. And stupid sometimes for getting upset. And stressed. Because her life is way more insane than mine.

I look at Brinley and want to cry so bad. She needs a sibling. She does. I get these frequent impressions that our family isn't complete, like people are missing, and it makes me feel even worse. I am so used to just having Brinley and being told that I can't get pregnant. I am used to having one child and honestly, I love just having Brinley. I am so content having one child. Granted, she kind of thinks she is a big deal and everything needs to be about her, but for now, it is. She is my only living child, so I cherish her completely.

In midst of the sobbing last night, Ryan tried so hard to comfort me by saying that everything will work out. I know that, but right now, I can't see my life in 10 years. I can't see children in my future. I can't see it. And I hate it.

I am so terrified of the possibility of just pressing repeat of this past year. And it makes me more and more hesitant to get pregnant again. Yes, the idea of bringing another baby into our family makes me so so so excited, but apart me is like, can we just place an order and skip this part, and become pregnant with a perfect baby?? Or Heavenly Father, just tell me this is the end of the heartbreak? Tell me I can move on without fear.

I have become so foreign to myself at times. I don't know what my deal is when I am snippy and cranky and after having an argument with Ryan about something stupid. I realize an hour later that it all started with watching A Baby Story, or seeing yet again, another pregnancy announcement on a blog. I want that. I want that so badly. But I can't tell you when I'll be ready for it. I never know when I'm going to have a breakdown and cry until I can't cry anymore. It hits me usually at the moments when I think I'm actually doing better and not as reactive.

I laughed last night in mid-cry thinking if I was pregnant right now and I just didn't know yet. That would be hilarious!! My period is supposed to start this next week which explains my up and down hormones. Sorry, tmi!

I think my body needs time. I need to rediscover me that isn't prefaced with, oh I'm in for my monthly blood draw because I had a molar pregnancy. I am tired of that. And I know I will remember March 22, March 24, and April 11. The day finding out we miscarried, the day of my surgery, and the day we found out it was a molar pregnancy. Those might be sad days, just an FYI. But hopefully not!

I think February 2nd hit me so strongly because this was the beginning. The rest just fell into place and we went along with it. I try not to beat myself up about the things that lead up until finding out we miscarried. At 8 weeks, I had a rough couple of days with pains I had never experienced before. There wasn't any bleeding, so I just thought it was really nasty morning sickness. I had to get my pregnancy confirmed at Planned Parenthood (that was interesting!) and the nurse said I had low HCG levels for being as far along as I was. And then the many conversations I had with my mom thinking I wasn't showing much for being 11 weeks. and then the week later, those pains I experienced 3 weeks before were my miscarriage and when you miscarry a molar pregnancy, it is harder on your body and you experience severe severe morning sickness and cramping. Of course when you are early pregnant you have thoughts of possibly miscarrying, but the night before my appointment, those thoughts were more intense. I passed them off as thoughts of doubt and fear Satan had put in my mind.

I do know that with lots of prayer, an upcoming temple trip, and talking with Ryan, I'll be okay. It is amazing how non-courageous you feel when the only emotion you think you need to feel is being courageous. I am lacking every ounce of it. And where to find it? Maybe in a tub of Blue Bell ice cream.....hmmmmm.....