Merry Christmas!

We take off for North Carolina this weekend and I wanted to show you all our Christmas card! I'm super happy with how it turned out. I wish I had endless means to mail out hundreds of cards to all of our friends, but this year, I only mailed out 75. that sounds like a LOT but they go out so fast.

Preparing for our trip has been a bit eye opening. We have ZERO winter clothes. After living in Florida for almost 5 years, I guess that makes total sense. Also pathetic, I don't think I have bought regular socks since I worked at The Gap 7 years ago. haha! They are still in great condition. I wear non-athletic socks like 5 times a year. Thankfully, Ellie has quite a bit of long sleeve shirts and jeans from Brinley but I've had to buy quite a bit for Brinley. We had a fun mommy-daughter date to Old Navy a few weeks ago to buy some sweaters and long sleeve shirts. She is so much fun to be with one-on-one. We stopped by Chick-fil-a for an ice cream and we just chatted about everything. She is the cutest. Ryan's size hasn't changed since we lived in Rexburg, so he has lots of sweaters and jackets. and my belly isn't out of control big yet so a lot of my tops still fit. I've had to buy some maternity jeans, but I'm glad I have them for when it actually does chill down over here for a few weeks in January.

We will be spending one night at my parents house before they fly out to spend Christmas in Seattle with my entire family. We weren't sure if it was going to work out with getting my time off approved, but I'm glad we decided to stop there first to make our trip up shorter. I'm predicting many potty stops because I cannot hold my bladder save my life! Sad we won't be able to see both families over the holidays, but at least we are able to see my parents. On a positive note, we will be together with Ryan's entire family! We haven't had everyone at Christmas I think since we've been married, so we are really looking forward to spending time together and catching up.

We hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! We have been so blessed this year with good health, a good job, living in a beautiful part of the world, and being so happy as a family. There always seems to be challenges within all of those blessings, but I am grateful for this time of year to be able to reflect on how much we've grown. 2015 will be another good year for us with first welcoming the birth of our little baby boy. Our Heavenly Father has blessed us immensely. and if you have 5 minutes, watch this incredible video!

Christmas Festivities

Last week was such a busy week of Christmas activities. First up, Brinley's Christmas Preschool Party! The after-care teachers (the hours after VPK), always does such a great job at these parties. When Ellie and I got to the school, Brinley's was so happy to see us! You see, I dropped the ball at the Thanksgiving party because they sang some songs but I didn't know that parents were invited to attend. She seriously did not let me forget that I wasn't there for weeks. Now, I am constantly asking and being paranoid whenever a holiday is coming if parents are invited to attend. 

First up, Florida snow! aka soap suds coming out of a big bubble blower fan! 

and Ellie not participating and just wanting to play on all the outside toys

Next up, we came back inside and made a Christmas picture frame. I loved sitting by Brinley and her little friends. They were so chatty and cute. I felt a bit like the cool Mom because there was always a swarm of 3-4 little girls by us the entire time. But I think they all just really liked Ellie :-) 

and next, SANTA! Brin wasn't too sure to sit on his lap, so she just stood by instead. Ellie wouldn't go near him.

Last activity, sugar cookie decorating. So much fun. Lots of frosting and sprinkles, just how I like it! 

When we got home, I knew Brinley needed a nap. She was so exhausted. It wasn't 5 minutes later when I checked in on her and found her like this in our bed. So comfy! I wanted to join her!

The next morning, we had our Ward Party. Ryan and the Elder's Quorum were in charge of everything this year and they decided on a breakfast party. It was such a success. Everything turned out amazing and I'm so proud of him for working so hard. I had to work the nights leading up to Saturday, so he had to haul the girls to the Church every night. Worrying about them while setting things up is a lot to handle, but he didn't complain one bit. 

We had pancakes, bacon, sausage, hash browns, breakfast casseroles, and fruit. So much yummy food! The primary kids sang the Nativity Song after everyone finished eating and then after that, they had a craft room set up to make ornaments. 

Santa made an entrance too. I was shocked that Brin actually sat on his lap this time! 

And this past Sunday was our Ward Christmas program. I was so relieved when I heard that because the following Sunday we will be on our way to North Carolina!

And that night, we decorated Gingerbread houses! I forgot how hard it is to construct and frost and decorate a gingerbread house without making it look like frosting and sprinkles had just accidentally dumped on it. 

 Ellie spent her time licking her fingers and eating the candy :-)

Brin loved every second of it and is committed to eating the house sometime this week. We'll see if she can actually bite a piece off. 

 And our masterpieces! Clockwise, mine, Ryan's, Ellie's, and Brinley's.

We love this time of year. Trying not to commit to too many things before Christmas, but sometimes you just can't help it! There is just so many fun things to do. 

All About A BOY!

We had our anatomy ultrasound last week! Leading up until our appointment, Ryan and I had been back and forth about finding out about the baby's gender. First, we wanted to wait until the actual delivery, but the more and more I thought about it, the crazier it sounded. If we already had a girl and a boy, waiting would be easy easier. I love to plan for the baby's arrival, and it just seemed so irresponsible for me to wait until the end to find out! Then, we thought, well what if we do a fun gender party/reveal/surprise and find out together as a family! Our days have been so busy lately, and the closer it got the ultrasound, the more stressed out I was becoming about planning the perfect reveal.

I asked for advice on facebook and after many of you responded (which was so fun and wonderful!), I walked away with 2 bits of advice from mamas who, like me, already had 2 girls and were currently pregnant with their 3rd and had just recently found out the gender. One suggested to find out in the ultrasound room to digest the gender instead of finding out in front of a mass group of people or other family members. Not that we would have been disappointed either way, but it made the most sense to digest info, and then share. The second piece of advice was to chill out on the reveal party planning. This friend also has a rambunctious toddler and when they did their reveal, they did cupcakes filled with the specific gender color frosting in the inside. When she told me about their battle over finishing their dinners before all enjoying the reveal cupcake, flashes of my Ellie throwing a tantrum kept coming to my mind and I thought, her tantrums would ruin any exciting moment let alone our baby's gender reveal!! so, with those two awesome pieces of advice, we decided to find out in the ultrasound room and buy a gender specific item (not food) and have Brinley and Ellie open it together.

I always love it when Ryan comes to my doctor appointments. He's there to help with Ellie, but also be a support for me and remind me of questions I may have forgotten during the appointment. I've been so lucky that he's been present for the ultrasounds that I've been really worried about, but the man also works (bill bill bill!) so most of the time it's just me and Elle Belle.

The tech was so fantastic and we had so much fun watching the baby kick around on the big screen. We were laughing because the baby was facing down so he kept arching his back while she was rubbing the probe on my tummy. It made us all think that he was saying "that feels sooo good! Keep doing that back rub thing!" He stayed like that for the majority of the appointment, and at the end, she had me pee and then lay on my side to hopefully get him to flip around so we could get a better profile view. He actually cooperated and his profile was identical to both Brinley and Ellie's. That Steele upper lip seems to be another characteristic! So cute.

It was also such a relief to see all his organs present. Always a relief. His heart was fluttering strongly. We saw his stomach and bladder and fingers and toes and arms and legs. And his brain. and eye sockets. and his nose. She even switched over to the 3-D view and it was fun to see a real baby!

The longer we were in with the tech, the stronger I was feeling like this baby was a boy. Maybe it was his mannerisms on the screen, but he was doing different things than our girls did when we saw them at their anatomy ultrasound. The tech finally said, okay, I need to know if you guys want to know. and Ryan shouted YES! and I agreed. We were ready. When she said It's a BOY! I started laughing and crying and laughing more and crying some more after that. Such a surprise. Not many of you know, but we've had some issues, maybe annoyance is a better description, that we are dealing with this pregnancy and it has been a huge challenge for me to feel connected. But the minute she said BOY, my heart was 100% in. It was like I could finally calm down and just enjoy the moment of seeing our baby boy on the screen and just soak it all in.

After Ryan and I kiss and hugged goodbye until lunch-time when we would reveal to the girls, Ellie and I went to the store to buy our item. I actually found this gorgeous blue and white blanket, plus a couple other cute outfits for next summer :-)

When Ryan came home for lunch, we gave the girls the present and Brinley was so excited!

And the proud daddy :-)

It still feels weird to say I'm having a BOY! but we are all so excited. Pregnancy is such a miracle and I am just so thankful to have a healthy baby growing inside of me. but seriously, we have SO much preparing to do!

Round And Round We Go

Motherhood. 

It is such a strange thing. So many highs and lows. Some lasting minutes, days, weeks, and even months. Some days, I love every second of it, but then there are days when I don't want to be apart of any of it. 

Maybe I need to add a disclaimer. I love being the mother to Brinley and Ellie. I love them with every bit of my heart. They are amazing and I am so blessed. Unfortunately, I'm also very hormonal and pregnant, so these mood swings sometimes fluctuate hourly. 

But sometimes, there are days, when the constant need to clean, wipe, change, answer, drive to and from, explain, cook, clean up again, entertain, etc. it just becomes too much. Too overwhelming. I second guess everything I do on those days and at night I just want to cry because I think back on my day and I remember all the things I did and didn't do: I yelled too much, I didn't give them my best, I didn't hug them enough, I didn't cook them healthy things, I let them watch too many shows, I didn't clean my bathrooms again, the kitchen hasn't been wiped down all day, the crumbs under the kitchen table are ridiculous, the laundry needs to be done, again! 

All of these things build and build and build. Some days I don't want to do any of it! and then the next day is spent regretting not cleaning my bathrooms because now I have to do bathrooms and laundry. 

I think that's the hard part about being a mom and a housewife. There are so many things that you should be doing. If you're not cooking and cleaning, you need to be organizing and sewing new pillows. and if you're not doing that, you need to be exercising. and if you're not exercising, you need to be making freezer meals for that friend who just had a baby. if you're not doing that, you need to be playing on the floor with your kids and building forts for them and castles and playing house, all at the same time.

The list never ends.

Which makes me feel on days like that, my life is Groundhogs Day. It repeats over and over and over again. A merry-go-round. Round and Round and Round. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Last week, I had one of those days. I vividly remember, the day before, enjoying it all. Enjoying every ounce of my kids. Loving Brinley's constant questions and need of a clarification on every random thought that comes into her head. Not minding Ellie's destructive wild 2-year old ways. And smiling and shaking off strangers comments like, "You know your daughter was eating an ornament. There is LEAD in ornaments. Lead is bad. Bad, bad, bad." (seriously, that happened at the post office). That day, I loved the monotony of laundry, and dishes, and cleaning, and picking up.

But the following day, on that day, it seemed like from the moment my feet hit the carpet after waking up, I was feeling the blues. Major sad mom blues. For no reason! We were out of milk. and cereal. and eggs. So we made oatmeal and to cream the oatmeal to add flavor, I added yogurt (gag!!). Brinley was poking around more than usual which mean that we were rushing out the door to get to school. Ellie kept running from me and hitting me and basically tormenting me non-stop.

Ellie and I went to the park with a friend but the park turned out to be full of homeless men, so we went to a different park, but the wind and rain started, and both kids were crabby and needy. As mom's, we go to the park with friends so that we don't have to necessarily play with and entertain our kids 24/7. Kids should entertain each other right? so that the Mom's can have adult conversations? am I right?? While we were out, we picked up my recently finished ceramic pieces that I made a couple weeks ago at a girls night out. I decided to make the girls ornaments, and I was so happy with how they turned out! A mitten for Ellie and a stocking for Brinley. 

We picked up Brinley from school and while we were walking to the front door, Ellie decided to bolt up the flight of stairs (which doesn't lead to our place), and since I had way too much in my hands, when I grabbed her, something dropped from my grip. The bag of ornaments. The sound was so loud that I knew exactly what happened. When we got inside, Ellie was so tired and manic for a nap, she kicked my head and pulled my hair as I was taking her to her crib. I can't even express the amount of frustration I was feeling. I got Brinley the iPad and sent her into quiet time so I could assess the damage. I pulled out Ellie's mitten and it was perfect, and so I knew it was Brinley's. Broken. My heart just sank. I sat on the couch with 7 Trader Joe peppermint Joe-Joe's and watched Gilmore Girls. and then while I saw sitting there, I heard the loudest crashing noise coming from the girls room, and realized Ellie had yanked down the entire curtain, rod, screws, the whole bit, straight from the wall. 

These things, the ornament. the curtain, they seem like small things to lose your mind over, huh? Like, I'm just over reacting? Oh man oh man. Sometimes all it takes to get knocked off the merry-go-round is a simple push. A little hiccup. A little bump. But those little bumps seem impossible to get over. Those simple tasks seemed like nothing the day before but now, you're paralyzed to even move from the couch because it all becomes too much. 

The entire day felt like I being tested (which I guess we are all technically tested every day we are on this earth) but you know what I mean. I felt like someone was going to pop out and say, "Well, you did your best, but that ornament breaking was the test, and you failed. Big time." 

I needed that quiet time to just stare at a wall and not do anything. The bathrooms had to wait. The never-ending laundry had to sit another day. The clean dishes in the dishwasher could wait another hour or two or three to be put away. Those 7 peppermint Joe-Joe's did the trick and I felt so much better. I found some clear super glue and surprise surprise, the stocking came back together just fine. When Ellie woke up from her nap, she immediately reached out for me and said "I sorry mama, I yuv you." 

And then the ornament didn't seem like that big of a deal. 

I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish with writing an honest post about my sometimes dark motherhood moments, but I think one of the most encouraging things I read on the internet, are real, honest feelings from other moms. We are all knee deep in the trenches of motherhood. Raising young children is no easy feat. Some kids, like Brinley are mellow, and easier to parent. Now that she's 5 (which seems to be the golden age for my sanity), she can pretty much take care of herself. Very independent and helpful around the house. No big battles. No tantrums. But then there are kids like Ellie who are constantly testing your mental state and are making you want to sit in your car in a parking lot late at night alone while eating Chick-fil-a french fries and a chocolate milkshake. 

It's not easy. Being a mom is not easy at all. I try to not freak out too much on days like this because my down moments really only last until I get a second to myself without anyone pulling at me, climbing on me, or needing me. I knew the next day, things would be better. I guess my kids know that sometimes mama needs to be humbled to the ground in order to be better the next day. And don't even get me started on how I feel about another HUMAN coming into this family in just a few short months--not ready for that reality! 

These two are awesome. They make me laugh. They make me believe I can do hard things. and the best part is, they believe in me. They know I'm the best, the prettiest, smartest, coolest, and the most creative mom on the planet. And thank goodness they are the most forgiving little humans on the planet. Thanks for believing in me!

Christmas Tree!

Even though we aren't spending Christmas day in our place, I was insistent on still getting a Christmas tree. A real Christmas tree. Yes, I am one of those. It's gotta be real!! It smells good. It looks good. And it is festive. This year, we made it easy and just went to The Home Depot and found a steal of a deal on a tree, $32! Last year, we spent more than double on a very similar looking tree that we bought at a tree farm. Never again! Home Depot every year!

We got home too late to decorate it together as a family, but while the girls were sleeping, I put up the lights! It just looks so magical. When Brinley got home from school today, we put up the ornaments. Brinley said, "hey mom look at this one!" for every single ornament. It was adorable. Ellie thinks its funny to pull the ornaments off and throw them or just run around shaking them, so we're working on that :-) 

Thanksgiving

We had such a great Thanksgiving week. First, the weather finally cooled down enough for us to enjoy as much outside time as possible! It was pretty windy, but the temps barely went above 65. First, I had to celebrate with dressing Ellie in the most adorable skinny jeans. I don't think she's worn jeans more than a few times in her life. She was so cute! 

Unfortunately, my parents dog Sophie was in and out of the Vet the entire time they were here. She was diagnosed with Cushings disease, but they are hopeful to get it under control so that she can live her life as she did before the diagnosis. The girls were so sweet with her and were always there to give her hugs and kisses. 

While my Mom and I were cooking up a storm, Ryan and my dad took Brinley to the beach and they had so much fun! Ellie was napping, and we did not want to disturb her :-)

Next up, table setting prep!

Dinner was so delicious. I am so happy to eat the same exact thing every single Thanksgiving. I wanted to try a few new recipes, but the only thing I changed was making a homemade cranberry sauce instead of canned! haha! But the cranberry sauce did come out successfully and it was super yummy.

We were all pretty dead to the world after stuffing our faces, so I was loving my Ellie snuggles.

Black Friday. Ooooooh black Friday. I was at ON from 9:45am-6:45pm and I was so exhausted when I got home. I was smart and pretty much wore pajamas (leggings) while working so I was pretty comfortable. The next morning when I woke up my body seriously felt broken. Every single muscle hurt! But thankfully, I didn't have any nasty customers and the day went by pretty quickly!

While I was at work, the men took Brin and Ellie to the park in the morning while my mom shopped around town.

On Saturday, we decided to venture to Jupiter to check out the beaches but also try this restuarant my Dad has been raving about ever since he had a business trip here awhile back. 

We had lunch at Guanabana's and it was so amazing! If you're ever in the area, go there for lunch! The food is absolutely delicious, but the ambiance was even better. It seriously felt like we were in a jungle. The entire restuarant was outside!

When we got back, my mom and I did a little shopping and were happy to get out of the house.

During College Football season, I hear many sad stories about not having cable and how hard it is to catch the game online so I volunteered myself to go with Ryan to our FSU booster club Ale house to watch the game. We had such a great time out on a spontaneous date!

On Sunday, we went to Church, lounged around, had a non-Thanksgiving dinner, and had our first December devotional for the Advent. 

We had such a fun week with my parents! The girls are always so sad after they leave, but we will see them briefly on our way up to Charlotte for Christmas with the Briggs! It is pretty awesome we can see both families during the holidays when we come up to NC.